Are You Dating A Manipulator?...

Ladies be aware of ravenous wolves dressed in sheep clothing. I am referring to the kind of man who preys on you while pretending to pray for you. They wine and dine you then flips disagreements to make it look like you are in the wrong.

     This is the type of man will get upset with you when things are not going his way. He will do ABC, as long as you are doing 123, he will check-up on you on a regularly. He will even financially support you, and have the audacity to get jealous when another man shows interest in you. He will even ask you not to see anyone else, when all he is doing is pretending as if he has real interest in you.

You will know them by their reaction when you mention these words "Commitment" And "Celibacy until marriage" 

              These are manipulators and commitment phobe men.

THE MANIPULATOR

These types of men will say whatever and do whatever to get what they want and when they get whatever it is they want from you, they are out! Usually it is your body, money, or something of temporary value to them. I say it is temporary because once they get what they want; they are off to the next victim. To them it is temporary. To you the value is worth more than temporary gratification. Therefore, words of advice do not give what is valuable to you to someone who do not deserve it and have not proved that they are worth it. 

      Essentially the reason why these men have been successful with this kind of behavior is that most women have allowed themselves to become a prey, instead of standing their ground and sticking to their standards. Another reason is that some women do not have a standard.

SIGNS OF A MANIPULATOR  

• Narcissistic behaviors and everything is about them. Their desires, their wants, when they want and how they want. Regardless of how it makes you feel. With this kind of individual, you are always aiming to please them but can never hit the mark because nothing you do will ever be good enough. 
• Guilt tripping, nothing is ever their fault and if they admit to a fault, they will in turn make you feel bad for pointing it out. 
• Emotion drainer. Something always comes up to make them not follow through with a prior Commitment. Some excuses are that they were sick. They had an emergency. Someone close to them or a friend of theirs had a death in the family. The excuses are usually extreme, because they want you to feel bad for even questioning their unfulfilled obligations. They never feel like you love them and have no problem telling you that you don not love them. 

Does this ring a bell? "You don't love me, because if you did you wouldn't be asking me all these questions." This is not about you not loving them, it is more about them making you feel miserable enough to start apologizing and giving up your right to take up for yourself. 

THE COMMITMENT PHOBE

These types of men are who you really have to stay on the lookout for because if you are not careful you can lose your heart to them without even realizing it. There is a difference between a commitment phobe and a person who is only being cautious about jumping into a new relationship. A commitment phobic has to resort to tricks and thievery to get the price 'The love of a woman' with no intentions of loving her back. 

      A man who is not ready or willing to commit will begin to back pedal in a conversation when the person they are dating starts asking about going to the next level. The next level could be spending more time together, meeting each others perspective families, and for some living together. Though that is not an idea I support, because living together should be reserve for marriage. That is entirely a different topic. 

Some of the excuses a commitment phobe use during these 'heart to heart' conversation are things like "I'm not ready." “Things are good the way they are. Why are you trying to change things?"  Oh, this is a good one "Let’s just see where things are going." This one is my favorite "Let’s just kick it?"

     "Kick what?"                                    

   When did courting a woman become "kicking it?" Such obnoxious words put together should get any man saying them to a woman kicked straight to the curb. Boys kick it! Men court! While boys will play games, a mature man will makes his intentions clear. A man who is mature will see the value in a mature woman and will not miss his blessing by playing her for a fool. 

SIGNS OF A COMMITMENT-PHOBE: 

• Unable to pin down anything more than 2 days in advance
• Unwillingness  to talk about the future or their intentions/ motives in regards to you and them 
• No use of words like “us” or “we”
• Unreliable about returning communication or following up on planned dates
• Sudden emotional withdrawal
• Blowing hot one day  and cold  another day
• Inability to take blame for actions or claim responsibility for relationship issues

Trying to have a relationship with a man like this will not lead to anything but heartbreak. Raise the bar ladies and the men who dares to reach for it by going above and beyond, is the one who deserves the price. Your heart, your devotion, and your hand in marriage. 

Mix Signals- What it means and how to avoid letting it discourage you from dating.

Have you ever dated a man who was hot for you one day and cold the next? Frustrating isn't it?

Dealing with a situation like this can make you bitter, agitated, and or aggressive towards that man but doing these things doesn't usually solve the issue. Fact is, it makes things worse. 

      Here's the thing. When a man wants you, he is intentional, he is accountable, and he will pursue you and make sure to leave no doubt in your mind about his affections towards you. If you're feeling uneasy or hesitant about a man you're dating because he constantly sends off mix signals. TRUST YOUR INTUITION, it is a built in alarm system that forewarns you that something is not right. It does not always mean that the person is with someone else, but in some cases, that is often the reason for mix signals in a relationship. It could also mean that they are not a right fit for you or they are just not that into you and that should be good news for you. I know, I know. It doesn't sound like good news that someone is not into you, but here is why it is good news. 

No one wants to be with someone that isn't a little crazy (in a good way) about them. I am presumably sure you don't and I'm convinced that I won't. Each one of us wants love, but that love should never come at the price of abandoning your self-worth or self-esteem. A mature man recognizes a mature woman worth and will not squander her love and affection away by playing games. He understands that if he does he will lose her to someone who sees her value and is willing to step up to the plate. 

     How do you handle a man sending mix signals? Simple, you move forward in confidence knowing that you don't have to settle. Don't sit around waiting for him to call or to make plans with you, you don't make him a priority, and most importantly you don't share your body, and heart with him. If you choose to remain friends, understand that it might be one-sided. Spare yourself the emotional roller coaster ride and get off.  

Matters Of The Heart

Being in love is such a wondrous feeling. Love can make you feel like you’re floating, feet off the ground, and butterflies in your stomach. Love increases awareness in your surroundings. You notice the way the trees sway when the wind blows caressing the branches, the birds chirping, your scene of smell enhances to the point of being able to appreciate the sweet aroma of whatever scents that permeates the air. That’s only a fraction of what love can do to you and there are no anecdote for love once you catch it.
Now there might not be an anecdote for love, however you can guard your heart from being taken advantage of once you’ve fallen to the guile's of love. Sounds contradictory and maybe a little impossible to love and guard your heart at the same time but it can be done. Here is how:

• Hold on to your identity
• Have a clear idea of who you are
• Have your mind made up that no matter who comes or goes you will be ok
• Give but don’t be a fool
• Love but don’t be someone’s doormat, floor mat, or punching bag
• Refuse to tolerate toxic people

Hold on to your identity - The honey moon stage of a relationship is where everything is going great. Both parties are doing and saying all the right things. Life is a ball. The problem with the honeymoon stage is often times this is where women start losing their identity. Things they use to do they don’t anymore. Places they frequent with their girlfriends they don’t frequent anymore. They get married to the man before the man is even thinking of settling down with them.

Have a clear idea of who you are – People will always have an opinion. Whether the opinion is good or bad on how and who you are supposed to be. While some advice from others could be great advice, it should be considered. Don’t be the person who looks into the mirror and see themselves as great and mighty only to walk away later and forget who they are when others share their opinions on the how and the who you are supposed to be.

Have your mind made up that no matter who comes or goes you will be ok – We can’t force people to stay in our life’s and who would want to if they could. In my experience I’ve learned that it’s not worth them staying if it’s forced. Be willing to see the good in goodbye. Remain steadfast in your joy and be open to love again because you never know if the right person for you is just around the corner.

Give but don’t be a fool – Everybody plays the fool was a song I used to belt out as loud as my high pitched voice would allow oblivious of how horrible I sound and look to the people who had to suffer through heinous cackling. Looking like a darn fool because I was convinced that my voice sounded great.
Being a fool like that is funny, but in reality no one likes to be a fool. Let alone play one. Don’t be a fool for anyone and for any reason. When people show you who they are believe them the first time. Accept their apology if one is given but don’t succumb yourself to being taken on a ride again. If you feel giving them a second chance then be sure that their actions shows that one is warranted.

Love but don’t be someone’s doormat, or floor mat– I know we all want to love and to be loved back in return, but don’t want it so bad that you’re willing to pay for it at any price. Any price that destroys your self-esteem and self-worth is too great a price. Love is a free gift that we give to one another. Giving it to someone and that someone receiving and reciprocating it back to us should be the only price paid.

Refuse to tolerate toxic people and their drama – Some people are not satisfied unless there is drama in their life. They will even create it themselves. Avoid these people they are they will suck the life out of you. I use to know this young lady and just about every other week there was something chaotic going wrong in her world. It wasn’t so much that she had things going wrong in her life that concerned me, but that she kept repeating the issues as if she wanted to relive them by sharing them over and over.
Usually these people don’t even know that they are displaying toxic behavior because these habits and behavior has become a part of them. You can lovingly point out the behavior to them and see if that helps them to recognize their behavior. Sometimes that helps other times it might not, but as long as you do your part then you’ve done enough and all that’s left is to pray for them and hope for the best.  Until next time. Take care of you.

When Love Is What You Are After, Don't Settle For Less

We could spend our whole life good will hunting and still come up short when it comes to love. No one really wants to get hurt, but each time we put ourselves out there to the possibilities of love there is a chance for a happy ending or a broken heart around the corner.

      I’ve had my share of broken heart and each time I find myself asking this question. What is the mystery of love and why is it so elusive for some? Is there some secret ingredient to the process of finding and keeping love? I’m by no means an expert but I do believe that two people have to be in agreement on the course their relationship will take. Mutual Respect for each others boundaries, personalities, and flaws is a start in the right direction.

When we establish boundaries at the beginning of a relationship that is not an invitation to challenge those boundaries but it is an opportunity for us to accept and respect them. Personalities are either going to click or clash, for some that is a deal breaker, if it is, walk away.

      I'm not suggesting taking the easy way out because I've seen where walking away means remaining friends. The concept “Opposite Attract” does not always mean happily ever after. Sometimes it is a recipe for disaster. Now if you can work out your personality conflicts and forge a relationship, I say go for it.

None of us is perfect. We are all flawed creatures trying to find our way in this imperfect world. So if its perfection that you’re after you’re bound to be disappointed. Compatibility plays a big part as well. Just like cream and sugar goes perfect with coffee. Your mate and you need to vibe or you will have friction. Like oil and water, you will eventually separate.

      Spontaneity, every relationship needs it or the union will become stagnant. Chicken is by far one of my favorite things to eat, but I don’t want to eat it every day. Occasionally I need a spin on things. A relationship demands the same. Spontaneity doesn’t have to hold monetary value. The little things count in a big way.

True love is not pretentious and its value is priceless. When handled properly love can soar to its highest heights. For those of you who are lucky in-love and continue to fan the flames of love, thank you, because you give hope to those who still desire to get and keep love.

Let's Talk About Love

 Today I want to talk about love and the many changes that it has brought me through personally. It is so easy to love people when they are on their best behavior, when they fit into your sphere of things or when your spirit vibe with theirs, but let them cross you and that love goes flying out the window. Many, if not all of us have been guilty of unloving behavior towards others, but as Christians this should not be.

     Perhaps some of the reasons for our actions could be that somewhere along this journey to follow Christ we got side tracked, got weary, experienced hurt too many times, or we just don’t want to be hurt again so we lash out first. There are many reasons. I could come up with a few and I’m sure you could come up with some as well. I love this scripture and I try my very best to follow its instructions especially on those days when I'm feeling unloved and unloving. 

      “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” Romans 12:9.

For how can we say we love God (unconditionally), but hate our brothers and sisters? If most of us are honest we would admit that we love God on conditions sometimes. I had to look inward and asked myself that question and as I answered, I realized that I have put conditions on loving God, and others. I've had to reflect on the way I have treated others in the past and in the present and I have to say no, I do not fully love God as I should, because if I did I would not feel hate towards people who are made into his image.

As you read this, take some time to reflect on the image of love that you show to others and then ask yourself.           

                        Am I really loving God, self, and others the way I should?

      “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” 1 John 5:20

Our hearts are so deceptive that hate is sometimes disguise as intolerance, annoyance, malice, hypocrisy, personality conflict the list of hate disguised is long and if we're not careful to be honest with ourself, we will make excuses to justify our behavior. 

Let me close this by saying that the message here today is not for judgment, but it is a wakeup call to those who make up the body of Christ. God calls us to love one another as he has loved us.